I’m doing a run on Saturday. An actual event run.
It’s been nearly three years since I have felt capable to sign up to a proper event. It’s only a 5K. Not quite the half marathon distance I ran in 2016. But it’s big to me.
In the Spring of 2016 I was at the peak of my physical fitness. I ticked off my first half, triathlon and long mud run, as well as a couple of other 10Ks. By mid-Summer I was unwell. The last actual event I entered, I was a DNS. The rest of that year was spent mostly on the sofa.
It’s been a long road to this coming Saturday. I have got back on my bike and back in the gym. I’m regularly taking classes, cycling and lifting weights. Running however….. that’s still eluding me. I’m not quite sure if it’s in my legs or in my head, but something that used to be there, just isn’t.
I signed myself up to this event as a challenge to myself. In recent weeks and months, every time I have gone out to run, whether outside or on a treadmill, it has felt like a hard slog. It still does. An event pushes you out of your comfort zone. Makes you work harder than you do alone.
If I’m honest, I am dreading Saturday coming around. The prospect of not being able to complete even this short distance is huge. It is entirely pressure of my own making. I could just not turn up. Decide to go to the gym instead. In the gym, there’s no one to watch you fail.
Only by challenging myself, only by trying and risking the potential of Did Not Finish will I know if I can. If I am truly back to health and self.
Five days and counting……