Bottom Envy

I have a confession to make.  I have been looking at the bottoms of other women in the gym.  In a sideways, hope they don’t notice me staring kind of way.

Not just bottoms either. Calves, abs, toned arms.  The way that they rock their lycra while I look like an over stuffed sausage in mine.  I have body envy.  In particular, I have bottom envy.

I want their bottoms. Not their actual bottoms. I am not quite that weird.  I want one of their bottoms for myself.  I want my bottom to look all pert and dimple-free.  I want to have the sort of bottom that makes women like me wish they had one.  I want my bottom not to look like two planets colliding in a pair of pants.

I know that answer is, among other things of course, squats. The don’t call it a squat booty for nothing.  Which is fine if your knees work properly but mine don’t.  The last time I attempted a set of squats, I couldn’t get up the stairs at work for a week.

The answer to a better bottom also relies on other forms of exercise, and indeed, a better diet. I’m writing this sat down whilst sipping a latte.  That probably won’t help either to be honest.

So ladies, if you see me looking at your bottom in the gym, please don’t call security. I just think you rock.

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